Where's my body after baby?

It's been 4 months since I had my 2nd baby, Yay!,  but I haven't lost anything after the initial 20lbs most moms tend to lose right out of the hospital. "What?!" you say.  A Personal Trainer who hasn't lost baby-weight and who doesn't look PERFECT and back to normal mere months after a baby? I'm so guilty of scrolling through newsfeeds and seeing these fitness people who've had babies around the time I did and they are SO lean, and skinny and bounced right back...or worked super hard to get there, buckling down right out of the hospital.  Well, I didn't....and it's for a few good reasons....  (besides the fact that I'm human!) ((My "before" is at the bottom,,,if you're wondering))  Here are my reasons:

1) Healthy adrenals/thyroid. I had adrenal fatigue just over year ago...right before I got pregnant, and that can come from stress on the body. Having a baby is stressful on the body enough, but pressure to lose weight is stressful emotionally, and eating in a caloric deficit (to lose weight) is a stressor on the body. I want to keep a healthy body, hormones and mind and not "dieting" is the best way to do that for me.

2) Milk supply. I had a great milk supply last time and I do this time too but I'd like to keep it that way. So eating in a healthy range, and in a surplus of calories can help that. It's usually established by 6 months, about the time I'll start "cutting" fat.

I'm using those last two as reasons for this one-

3) Building muscle. You cannot build a lot of muscle if you're trying to lose weight (and many will say you can't do it at all while losing body fat, but I'm not here to debate this). I am already a "hard gainer" when it comes to muscle, so that means I need to eat a lot to gain some muscle. I figured, why not use the excess energy I have stored from pregnancy in addition to the excess calories I want to eat, to stay happy and healthy and to build some great muscle going into my next competition...it works out perfectly!

Top is 1 month PP, bottom is 4 months PP

 NOT trying to lose weight after having a baby is such a weird thing... it's always in our heads, in our faces and in our fat cells  that we need to lose it fast and bounce back and get our pre-baby body back.   What about this; how many moms do you know that have thyroid problems? or adrenal fatigue (linked to thyroid or eventual thyroid issues)?..... What if it's not only the stress of a pregnancy, labor and delivery, recovery, a baby, work, life, husband and on top of that we have to look PERFECT in 3 -6 months ...that is leading to the thyroid issues many moms have?  But this is a whole 'nother blog post, I'll get to sometime.

I am at my heaviest I've ever been...I'm lucky and I'm a genetically naturally thin person, but I also can gain weight...just ask my pics from the days I lived in Europe! (over-indulgence anyone?).
         I did lose weight initially, like most do, but then when I began on my goal of building muscle I gained some weight...as happens sometimes because you increase your calories to build muscle.
Mine also went up because I'm nursing and that's what my body does (it did it last time too...6 months later I was way bigger than 6 weeks postpartum :( ). I gain weight when breastfeeding and, guess what, so do many others! They just don't tell you that...it's a secret...you might gain weight when breastfeeding...I did, Google it, you'll find you are in the company of many here.   That, too, is a whole 'nother blog post.

       Anyways, I'm here to say that it is frustrating to have not gotten back to my normal walking around weight by 4 months simply because I know people are watching for it. When I'm getting dressed and I have zero pants that fit it's maddening. When I have no underwear that's comfortable it's sad (tmi??.. sorry.) But then my loving husband says "You know why it's like that, you have GOALS...you'll be back to YOU in just a few months." And I love that he understands. And that he takes me shopping while on vacation at the beach to get all new summer clothes :) (now that's love! Or that's him trying to get me to stop whining about my jeans...)

This is where I started, my "walking around"

             And he also is a realist, he reminds me that I made this choice to do it this way and I can't complain...he's so right... and really, I'm not that much far off from where I began, I'm in a place many would love to be. But I'm gaining muscle (love those GIANZ coach!) and I'm eating, not dieting, not stressing and having fun postpartum rather than restricting and I'm enjoying my baby and family. I still eat on "plan" according to what's healthy and what my macros are for my current goals and body but they are HAPPY macros (thanks to my coach from All or Nothing Fitness!)...because I get to eat and fit in all that I want to. So here's to being postpartum...and being happy with whatever place in life you're in.

In the end, don't compare yourself to me, or any other pregnant or postpartum woman out there. You are you, you have your own genetics and your own life to live.

*cheers* to all us moms out there.

Be happy and healthy friends!